ROT | FREE PINTS In The... Scheme-House? LIST: Medieval Torture Methods, Yapper Of The Year, & Dinosaurs Transcript

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ROT | FREE PINTS In The... Scheme-House? LIST: Medieval Torture Methods, Yapper Of The Year, & Dinosaurs

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And I think we're a bunch of songs when we're kicking it forward and we don't
That's what you guys are going to be like after listening to Rot Thursdays. Welcome to Rot, brought to you by the Kickford podcast alongside me. George Yvesveni, Harry's still in Perth, guys. How are you going? Good, good.
Oh, yeah. Going good.
Lots to rot about this week. Who's going to start us off? We've got so much on the program. I mean, coming off the election and everything like that. Harry, take it away. I mean, you've got the different perspective because you've been from over in Perth.
Yeah, that's exactly right. But can we start up with a bit of a Rott update, a tour update?
Yeah, the Brain Rot Tour. Get your tickets fast. We have an update. The England tickets have been extended from 150 to 250. There's 100 tickets for sale as of the time of this release of this podcast. We're waiting for it to be pushed through. I don't know why it's fucking hard, but apparently it's really hard to just go, okay, now there's 100 more on a fucking online platform. Anyway, for those that wanted to come, tickets are available. Please bring a mate. If you were a couple of people of a message through, sorry it wasn't available for the London show on the 29th of May on a Thursday in London.
The rest of the shows throughout end of July and August. The BrainRot tour, very excited. Get your tickets at keyfoil club.com.
And to those people we called idiots for missing out on London tickets. We do apologise and we really thank you for your keenness in attending.
Well, no, you're still an idiot. Redacted. No, I retain mine, but now you have a chance to redeem yourself by buying a ticket. Redacted. Uh, Harry, what's happening?
I just want to start off with an apology, guys.
Oh, okay, cool.
Yeah. To those that might have thought, I mean, I personally didn't, but those that might have thought the pooh dunnet last rot episode went for a little bit too long.
Yeah. I apologize. Oh, what, like why now of anything?
Oh, in hindsight, there might have been just a few too many beep this tiny poops mentioned.
A few too many beeps. Yeah. Yeah, maybe, yeah, I don't know. It was good. I liked the thorough investigation. Maybe some of the interviews were pretty long, but I mean, I like it that they were all really concerned about clearing their own name from being smeared.
I'd actually like the director's uncut version, like two and a half hours long if you've got it, Harry.
I think the original's with the coroner right now, so you could probably have an uncut version in person.
No, the uncut one pretty much went to the podcast. So don't worry about it, gee. Now, just a couple of things I want to tick off before I, well, yeah, hey, big right episode coming up. There's a big house with a twist coming up later on guys. And you're going to find out more about that later. But a couple of things I just want to, well, I did notice them, but don't worry about doing when you notice something. You guys know that I'm a bit of a tech and gadget guy, yeah?
Well, in what way?
Well, I just want to start by saying again, I've never been much of a watch guy. Have you noticed that?
I think the watch craze is so boring. Yeah.
So here we go. So I will admit something in the last couple months. I've been experimenting and I've been experimenting with wearables, you know, wrist wearables. So I won't go into any details of brands, but I just want to make a quick comment. I don't need a device to tell me if I've had a good or bad sleep. Now, Georgia, we were discussing this the other day. It's kind of like,
Oh, I woke up feeling not tired and fresh and relaxed. Oh, cool. I got 85% sleep school.
Mm. Mm. But like, do you, my always question with that, and I've had the same thought, it's like, oh, you had a bad sleep when you had 50 beers the night before. Is any of it actionable information when you're like, oh, you know what? Having 50 beers is bad. It's like, I know that. I make the sacrifice. No, I knew that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
I mean, the other thing I can say to that is if I've had 50 beers, I'll generally have a great sleep.
Yo, yeah, I won't have any trouble getting to sleep, but apparently I'll be, I don't know, screaming in my sleep the whole way through.
What's the reverse? Like, what if you have, what if you feel like you've had a really good sleep and your device is like, you actually had a bad sleep?
I'm saying, I'm saying it doesn't really happen. Oh, you reckon it's. No, I'm saying, Harry's saying is like, if you've had a bad sleep, you're pretty aware. Yeah, exactly. I know, but is there a scenario of them?
Yeah.
You don't need a little thing to tell you on your phone that connects to your watch that you had a 25% sleep with no Rams.
So what is your takeaway from it all? You just like, you hate the watches, you hate the product, or do you want more?
Well, guys, I know I'm in Perth, but by the power of cameras, take a look at these wrists.
Oh my god, you've gone analog again.
Free from the shackles of recording devices on your wrist.
They look like really sweaty. Have you been using them a lot?
I've got... No. Hey, I've gone cold turkey, guys. That was just my observation on wearables. I should have made a sting for that, damn it. The next topic I want to talk about is dinosaurs. You guys like dinosaurs?
I think they're sort of a bit of a Venn diagram of people that like dinosaurs as an adult and planes people.
Oh, ha, ha.
What is the middle equal, Josh? Harry. Um, you. Yeah.
Okay, that's a kind of word than I was expecting. Um, hey, last week we were talking about Sam Fricker visiting Clyde Palmer's dinosaur land for an interview.
Oh, the Wefwing guy.
Yes, exactly. So when I was editing that part of the pod, I was grabbing some dinosaur sound effects off YouTube. Um, copyright free, of course. Now I stumbled across this video in the recommended videos of dinosaur sounds, Jurassic Park version versus what scientists think they actually sounded like. Have you heard this before?
I've seen the articles of where they recreate the voice box based on the bones of like a velociraptor or something and then they can blow through it. But that was like 10 years ago. I assume blowing dinosaur tech has gone up shitloads. Oh, I really want to blow dinosaurs now. Yeah, I know. I mean, every little boy grows up wanting to blow a stegosaurus. And then you're like, oh, all I've got is they can blow a rhino. Oh. And that's the closest.
What about when they do the mummy one and it's like, what's going on?
Do you have any dots? Oh, they spoke like that.
I've got some audio guys of the... And the first one you can hear is the Jurassic Park version. And the one after that immediately rolls into what scientists actually think they sound like. So the first one is the Spinosaurus.
Okay, what's the Spinosaurus? What does he look like?
Now, this is another funny thing, I guess. Spinosaurus was a big predator in Jurassic Park that was actually bigger than the T-Rex.
I think it was the other was the hook one movie. They were like, oh my God, is that a T-Rex? And they're like, no, it's a bit bigger than that.
So it was a wee, weir-wee big dinosaur?
Yeah.
Yes. When in fact, the Spinosaurus was actually quite a small little thing and insignificant thing.
Okay, the T-Rex is still my favorite dinosaur then. Is that what you're telling me?
I am and just wait till you hear the sounds and then you can work out what your favourite one is, Georgia. Let's hear Spinosaurus.
Wow.
Oh. Like a wolf.
Gagorian monks. Vocal cause.
Yeah, so Spinosauruses actually sound like dogs. So Jurassic Park, wrong.
The start of it sounded like my car when it needs, uh, like when the engine oil comes on.
All right. Wanna heat velociraptor?
Uh, yeah. Obviously.
Scary. Oh. Oh. What the hell?
Okay, that's a dolphin. You just put a dolphin in. I would pat that. No, no, no. No wonder they were such good predators.
Tell me that doesn't sound like Italian brain right a little bit.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Tung, tongue, tongue, tongue, tongue, tongue.
Okay, are you ready to have your mind blown by the T-Rex's real noise?
Okay, because I assume archaeologists have gone woke. Harry. Is this the first sign?
If you've got, my name Jeff, queued up, I'm gonna laugh very hard.
No, no, I don't have any jokes. This is rot, Georgia. It's serious.
Oh, sorry, yeah.
Now I wish I do. All right, here's T-R-X. Ah, what is that? What is that?
How did we get to the scream? Beck yours first of all. It was like an extension of a lizards. I guess, I don't know. They're far more harmonic, more like useful noises than just giant screams.
Hollywood, Josh. Hollywood. God. They're always trying to trick us, aren't they? Fucking, but I guess, you know what? The screams puts bums on seats at the cinema.
That's actually true. No, that's why you forget the economics of screams. And dinosaurs.
You can't go to the cinema, watch Jurassic Park, and then be blown away by an outboard engine on a boat going, huh?
You know what's how funny is we got invited to the surfer, but you're away. So your brother helped film the surfer, the Nicholas Cage movie shot in W.A. It's a horror where he eats a rat. And he, like, fights a bunch of Australian surfers from the southwest of W.A. Randomly, the premieres in St. Kilda. Yeah, I can't wait.
Also, in that trailer, there's already, like, a classic Nicholas Cage quote. And I haven't even seen the film. And it is that.
Eat the rat. Yeah, yeah. And he's just like on fire. I can't wait. But like as far as Hollywood, they're actually even though something you want, but it took to go to Southwest. And are you upset? You're not going to be able to go, Harry.
Well, here's the thing, guys. There's also a screening in Perth on the same night. What? Oh. Are you going on? Yeah, there's one happening here. No, I can't make it. I can't make it.
Got a wedding or something.
There's a dress-up competition as well. Yeah, I was going to let you do that. I might. They said that you could win prizes. Yeah, go for it. I'd be stoked if you did it. Maybe I'll tear my entire face off and go face off and then win the prize.
I don't think he was in Nicholas Cajun face off. Oh, are you? John Travolta, was he the other guy?
And Nicholas Cajon. Oh, nice.
Yeah, good movie. I love it when their face comes off. Yeah.
Josh, wash your mouth out with soap.
Sorry. That's like asking if, um... If Conair was good. Yeah, if Adam Sandler was Billy Madison.
It's that. You know what I really like is the Nicholas Cage losing his shit for six minutes?
That's the surfer, but it's an hour and a half.
No, no, it's one of the original YouTube videos and it's just, he's just losing it. And it's with the record of the dream songs.
What am I a fucking retard man? Am I fucking redorn? Oh! I know this is. You're trying to stop me out because it's amazing a bit of you being around.
A lot of his early movies were just so psycho. I think there was one where he was a vampire where he kept like, but he wasn't really a standard vampire movie.
And he's running around going, I'm a vampire. I'm a vampire.
Yeah, that's right. And then the wicker man where he's covered in bees.
He's good. Next award coming with the surfer.
Guys, I want to start my catch up off with a bit of Italian brain rot. And I made some for you two.
Oh, that's good. That's right in the middle of how popular it is. This has been a good week ago, maybe two weeks. Do you know what I had it last week? No, two weeks it would have been better. Yeah. So someone texts me yesterday should do an Ashton Hall meme by those guys. And I was like, oh, cool, like seven weeks ago. Did you go, wake up, it's April 4th.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Anyway, good. No, I actually had this for last week, but. Oh, good. Also, this is a list.
You had a wait to marinate on it.
No, I forgot. I forgot it last week.
I forgot. Oh, my God. I forgot it. Harry thoughts? Just like mailing it in so hard. He didn't even bring anything. He didn't even think to update it. So let's play Josh's one first. So this is for me. This is your bright not name. Oh, wow, that's cool. Finally, in the annals of history.
Long, long, Jossoloni basket, Tony.
Peske, Peske, brother of Tom. It's pretty good. So that's your name? Was there an online generator for this? Oh, no, I said it. Well, I'm just wondering, again, was it just typing in?
How do you do it? Yeah, well, there's, you're supposed to pay, but there's a free version, you get some credits for free. That's why I could only make one for each of you and not one for me, because I ran out of credits on the free version. Okay. But that was enough. I had to put the music behind as well, but you, the voice generator was a special, a special one, yeah. Wow. Yeah. So you're Josh, Josh, Longalone, Basker Tony, brother of time.
So you didn't deem what you get paid any part of that money to potentially get the third one?
I didn't want to self-indulgently make my own. No, also the third one would have been 10 US dollars. And I don't think one brain rock name was 10 US dollars.
It's one of our better investments. But okay, let's do Harry's now. I liked my one.
Beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, Boeing Aeroplane O'Haree.
There's your note. Yeah, beer, beer, beer, beer. That's good.
There are a lot like tongue, tung, tung, tung.
Yeah, well, the second one was a hat tip, if you will, to tung, tung, tung, tongue, tung, sahua.
Sounds a bit like beerplane, a project I've been working on on the side.
With Boeing. Teaser, Mike.
So these are the top five medieval torture methods. Oh, wow. Okay. A bit of history. Love it. Yeah, a bit of history. Now, I haven't ordered them because they're all equally as gruesome and fucking crazy. Cool. So we have...
The pair of anguish. Do you know this one? My mates used to call me a pear because I had pear-shaped hips. And you did cause a lot of anguish. That's my favourite painting at the arm. Melbourne Museum. It's a sheep crying. It's lamb died and it's called anguish.
Anguish.
The pair of anguish is a metal device inserted in the mouth, anus or vagina and expanded with a screw mechanism tearing internal tissue until death. Wow.
And so I know it's torture, but I guess they were the OG torture before torture got woke. Well, now when they torture, they want information. Oh, where's this, terrorist? Oh, where's that? Back then, they torture because they just hated. And I kind of liked it. There was a purity to it. They were like, you're a Protestant.
Is there a brief moment or second in the pair of anguish torture before it kills you where you get a boner? I'd say they would do that the whole time, right? We have also the rack. Now, the rack is like, this is like the LeBron James household names of torture. This is like you'd come home from work and be like, Oh, sort of like at the rack today. Like, it probably was like, yeah.
They probably called it the R. It was that common. This, this one was, um, victims, victims, limbs were tied to rollers at either end of a wooden frame and gradually pulled apart, dislocating joints and eventually tearing limbs from sockets. Now, again. Ugh. I feel like there's a moment right before it becomes painful where this feels fucking phenomenal. Like all your limbs pulled apart, like greatest stretch ever.
I feel like I'd pay a physio for that before my joints start to dislocate and I die.
A lot of those guys, and I know you've been looking into a G that got a turkey, they do this exact process, but they pay a surgeon for it. Uh-huh. It's weird. When, like, the Duke of Exeter invented this in 15th century England, you know, I don't think he expected it at the same impact it did today, like, to have its legacy. True.
And, you know, that's... That's just artists for you and creative minds.
I guess you never actually get to reap the benefits off and you're dead long after it's appreciated.
Oh, shout out Vincent Van Gogh. So we have the brazen bull. Oh, cool. There's a hollow metal bull which was heated from inside with a fire. Sorry, heated from underneath with a fire. Victims were locked inside and roasted alive in the metal ball. Lazy, why don't have to be a bull? They had sound tubes designed to make their screams sound like a bull's roar.
What if they had, um, what if they had tubes to sound them like, um, velociraptists? Oh yeah, true.
Now, see, I'm actually, I'm pretty good with saunas, so I feel like I'd, like, be pretty chilling there for like 10 to 15 minutes and then, and then it would start to... Gee, you're good in saunas, but you're bad if anything is slightly non-perfect.
So if you've chosen to go on a sauna, it's great. But if, like, you haven't had an apple for 20 minutes or you haven't peed in 10 minutes, you're like literally screaming at people.
Well, luckily, I just ate an apple and I pissed my pants two minutes ago. We have the rat torture. This is a good one. The rat? A pottery bowl was placed on top of the victim's stomach and coals were placed on top of the bowl, and the rat would have no option but to dig and scratch its weight into the victim's flesh.
My mother had an island. Oh. He was in the festival with rats. Oh, it's Sky. Skyfall. Yeah, Skyfall. Yeah, that's cool. To all the lads out there.
Yeah.
Oh, the rats, that's really good because obviously they had a rat problem back then. Yeah. Ever heard of the plague? It was actually the fleas.
Oh, God. Yeah, hey on, Josh, are you doing more stand-up comedy? Yeah.
I still sit-down at the moment. Oh, Harry already meant that. Message me that. How was the sit-down comedy?
The last one, they're not actually sure if this one was actually used or not, but it is kind of written in history in some capacity. I think it was the Persians, but it's called scafism. And the victim was placed between two boats or hollowed logs. They were force-fed milk and honey and covered in milk and honey and left to rot while insects would eat them alive. So they're not confirmed if that's real or not?
No, there was never any concrete evidence that had happened, but there is... Of course it was honey.
It just, it was all late night. Well, yeah, I suppose that would hurt. I always hated the sound of the torture of like the one where they just wouldn't let you sit down. So the room would be too hard to sit down and then people like, they would do it for days and your feet would all blow out and shit. I feel like I go through that every day sometimes.
Waiting at the traffic light, I'm like, oh, there's a fucking torture.
I just think medieval times wouldn't be for you.
No.
Yeah, I'd be bad.
Have you seen keel hauling, Gee? No, what's that? It was an old, it was an old pirate ship torture method where they, sorry to jump into the seven seas, but they would... If you were seen to have done something bad, they would drag you under the keel of the boat, scraping your body against the barnacles. Oh. From one side to the other, they would attach, they'd have two ropes.
Would you get, oh, thanks that. Oh, now I kind of want to go for a swim. I feel like you, if you had the right distance away from the barnacles, you might be able to get a nice look foliation before it, you know, plays you alive.
Yeah, so G wants also to know if you'd have a wet suit on. And perhaps a snorkel mask. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and they give you an apple and a sauna after.
Have you had a realism torture?
Oh, is that just Giorgio?
No, it's like when they strap you down, you have to watch every chopping board boy reel.
Oh, every steak avocado, eggs and delivery.
And you have to hear it. And then, you know, and I'm like, please just stop. And they've got your like clockwork orange with your eyes pinned back. That was a good list, gee. I learned heaps. I forgot I was in a list. Oh, because it was so engaging. It was good. It was engaging.
Yeah, I tend to have that effect on people.
I'd say it's one in three now, or engaging ones.
Yeah, get those numbers down. Was the fruit one of them?
The fruit one was engaging, but someone texted me and said, you guys genuinely sounded angry. It was the rockmelon comment.
No, no, they said, I genuinely think Harry and Josh hate Georgia.
No, no, no. They said that you particularly sounded angry in that one. And then I was like, yeah, it was the rock melon that got me. It's just like, anytime you get a fruit salad and there's rock melon in it, you're like, oh, for fuck sake, they skimped. But you're like, drop it de prosciutto.
Ah, where's the prosciutto di Palmer? Give me some of that San Danieli, please. Am I right?
Again, you worry about people like you on this pod. Flexing about wealth is not good. No, that was great. I really, really liked it. Thank you. Thank you very much. Guys, I haven't got too much this week other than I just really want to talk to people about the rehearsal. But the rehearsal was the funniest TV episode I've ever seen and not enough people watching it. And I just wanted to talk about a grown man being breastfed by Marion Annette Puppet. I haven't seen it yet. I got no one to talk to about it.
My girlfriend doesn't want to watch it. She ran out of the room when he was getting picked up and shaved it, shaved it live to look like a former pilot as a baby because he read a book about it. It's really hard to explain. You can't even start off the cuff talking to someone about it. Harry's in Perth. All I want to do is talk about the most of laughed from a TV show ever. I got no one. I got no one to speak to it. Look, I can't talk about it, but here I am doing it on the podcast. Yeah, yeah. So I'm saying if you're watching the rehearsal, please let me know because... That was the funniest thing I've seen in so long.
It was so weird and hilarious. Yeah, it's hard to explain.
Yeah, Josh, you sound crazy, mate. A big baby.
A big baby married in our pub and then he becomes a teenager and they're all on stilts walk around pretending to be, because they're trying to get the scale right. So rather, he's got endless money. So he's a baby. So they, shame to make him look like baby. He's a 45 year old man. By making other people taller. But then a woman walks in who's one of those, like, giant puppet sculptures, and then she's breast, anyway, that was what I was going to say about that.
I could only ever watch, like... Georgio, I think Josh is going crazy.
Yeah, I think I'm going to add one extra torture method and it's Josh talking about a TV show I've never seen.
And then yelling at you and then going, that's so funny, he said that because I just would keep speaking about it. Also, weirdly, it's one of the ones you get a bonus during. Honestly, it was hard not to. Just because of the art. Josh giddy rolled up, I know this is sports. I'm just going to spank myself for bringing up sport on the rot pod. But Josh got he rocked up at a Frankston social comp game. I found this so fucking funny.
And the way it spread through the internet of like, someone found it and then put it online and then it trickled through and it was the FOMO thing of it clearly getting engagement. So everyone got around it. And then every single outlet pushing it into pushing their variation. I even saw an interview with a team that beat him. There was an interview on Code Sports with the guy that hit 113s against him. That's unbelievable 113s. No, it's really good, but I think you have to remember, it's a social comp basketball game. And this guy's rocked up, which at 113 is hard to hit whoever you are.
Yeah, even in an open training court. Yeah, yeah, sure.
But he's like, the guy is an okay player. Like he plays NBA one South or whatever. So it's like the second tier comp.
Does he play NBA one?
West? No. But, well, he plays east. The thing is, though, like, if you were rocking up, you'd be like, oh, fuck, I may as well try as hard as I possibly can. Meanwhile, Giddy's kind of doomed if he does or doomed as he doesn't. Yeah. Because he can either just chill or if he tries, it's like, why he trying so hard? But I found it really cool because that's part of their NBA clause is they have a thing like... The love of the game. So they can play wherever the one as long as they're not paid in the off-season.
But this brought me to, I know again, spanking again, speaking about sport again, we've been in paddle lately, right? Oh, yeah. Harry, you like paddle? Yeah. And pickleball is really big too. Yeah. Um, I think we need to calm down on the hybrid sports. I just stick to the, um, no, I just think it can slow down a bit because.
Oh, as you mean as a species when you just stop inventing hybrid sports?
Yeah, like. Pickle and paddle, they're fine, but even that's creating its own drama because there's his competing sports. And then we heard last week about the tennis club. I saw there's now beach paddle tennis and they've like made amalginations with paddle. So it's like paddle on the beach over it. So beach tennis has always been an Italian game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now there's been amalgamations to make it more like paddle tennis.
I feel like it's like leisure time activities turned pro that didn't need to turn pro, like beach tennis. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That could have stayed as just a, hey, let's hit a ball.
I think that is still a chill thing, but I just saw it.
It's a real thing. And now there's paddle table tennis. So they chuck walls around table tennis table. Wait till you hear about tennis. Yeah, well, I was saying they should combine paddle with like sprinting and just make, oh, that's tennis. That's, yeah, yeah.
Josh, you're not being, you're not being very woke, mate.
What do you mean? Woke is letting hybridism. You know what they should do?
Let us play. Let us play whatever we want. And also, sorry, warning, warning, literally a warning. Josh, that's the second sport thing on the rock pod.
Yeah, he did spank himself. Sorry, spanked myself twice, but I just beeped the second one. Parming or Palmer. Clip it. Let's go. That's a clip. What are the hot cross buns doing? That's a clip.
What is that?
What was that? Oh, that's mint. I'll clip that.
Welcome to clip that guys. I've got a very specific clip that this week, which I will do after this podcast because it can't be done in the room. But once we get to it, I'll explain it and then it'll be placed there by our lovely actor, host and now editor Harry in the days to come. Clip that. We've had so many submissions for Yapper of the year, guys.
Yeah, what do we got this week? Who's yapping?
Who isn't? It feels. I want to put it out there. I was like trying to look into, is it just like allowed you can say whatever you want at all times? Yeah. And I was looking, apparently, the area of like the law is like kind of grey. Because it feels like there's been explosion in the last two months in particular, maybe six months, of just yappers. Like there's the originals. But now it's like there's fringe yappers and stuff like that, all selling shit.
There's like every version of pseudoscience, every version of just like expert. Yapping like crazy and Garlop's had enough.
Oh, I feel like it's cross pseudoscience. It's now just like blatant lies. Like people just lie about like what's in foods and like what's what they're doing to you.
You know Belma the guy who's like has a brother who's called anime shreds and and he's like a shredded version of Belmar. And he's just as much of a charlatan but has to do with the food. He films himself at restaurants asking, can I have the organic meat?
Oh, that's the name.
And then he goes, no, no, sorry. Is it cooked in butter?
Can they cook that in butter? Butter? And it's like, I will be able to tell. Otherwise, we're going to head, bro.
And the waiter's like, I'm on six bucks an hour. I really do not care. Anyway, so he's definitely in there. Yappa number one I have this week was submitted. This is just another one of those lines of like, people that don't make that much money, probably, or they make probably a little bit, but it's weird that they'd be preaching. to get more money from you as a viewer. And some of the stories they just put out there are just clearly lies.
I went to the bank the other day. I asked for a hundred thousand pound cash. The person behind the desk pressed the panic button. And all the shutters are going down. There's smoke everywhere. And I said, no, no, no. I mean, out of my account. She went, oh, I... I thought this was a holdup. And I said, a hold up. Why would you think that? And she said, people don't normally come in asking for such large amounts of money. And I said, well, sorry to hear that, but I'm here just to get some cash out, you know, nothing major. And she gave me the cash and she said, what do you do for a living? And I said, I'm a trader. And she says, oh, that explains it. Um,
I'll take things that didn't happen for 500 place. What a fucking load of shit. Yeah, all the, all the drawers dropped down from the ceiling. They say, oh, wait, you're robbing the bank. And then they just went casually back to giving you the 100,000 pounds.
Yeah. Oh, sorry, guys, false alarm. He actually wants a 100,000 cash.
He's successful. How did you get so successful, my man? Yeah. Zach submitted one. He said, want to nominate the serial dicker Joey Barton for Yapper of the Year. He has made a hilarious statement on a podcast that soft tissue demise of Kevin the Goat DeBroon. Is he good? Kevin DeBron. Yeah, he's one of the best midfielders. You know who Joey Barton is?
Former QBR player. Yeah, yeah.
Had a long career as a play, but now he's sort of like a talking head in European football. Long career of red cards as well. Yeah, one of the angriest guys on field. So he's come down to the fact that the reason he's had so many soft tissue injuries is all to do with his teeth getting fixed. He got some veneers.
Broinae. been a phenomenal player, arguably of his generation, the best midfielder in the Premier League. Definitely in the conversation, isn't he? Yeah, arguably the best, best player in the Premier League. But got the teeth done, got the tear he teeth in, fucking big mad, quiff going on. And... as is normal.
When you get them teeth done for any young players out there who come into a few shillen, when you get your teeth done, your body compensates for your mouth. You sleep, you run, your body compensates for your mouth. You get the teeth done. As soon as you get your teeth done, it realigns your bite. Once you realign your bite, that starts to offset your spine and your spinal column and your spinal cord.
And before you know it, a domino, like a domino's, bit, bit, bit, bit, boom, chain reaction goes down your spine, into your soft tissue before you know it, body starts coming apart.
Okay, absolute load of shit. But I just want to point out that if a guy's talking like that with that much confidence, someone out of the two million people would somehow recite that to their mum or they're mate at the pub. Yeah, that is complete nonsense.
Well, it's science. Science, I reckon. But this guy's got nothing.
He's like literally no credentials whatsoever other than just being like, oh, this bloke got teeth.
I think I believe him. I'm going to start talking to people about it because it's true. Josh, ever since you shaved your head, your spine has gone so munted, mate.
Okay. I want it.
I brushed my teeth wrong last night and... Yeah. I can tell.
Now I'm acoustic. Oh. Okay. All right. And the final one, guys, Chris Griffin. He's been big for us lately. Now, he's been popping up a lot. And I just want... I think it's about time. We just made a clip about him. Emotionally, talking to the camera... Really nice camera. It's got to be in the car. This is an example I'm talking about.
Hey, guys, whatever you do tomorrow morning.
Do not press news.
And then what follows is the weirdest, like, amalgamation of 15,000 activities before 8 a.m. I counter you, Chris. What if I am sleepy, boy? What if you're sleeping? You need the recovery and maybe you've had a one-year-old up all night. What if I just need the extra weird or 10 minutes of snoozy? Weirdly, that's actually a kind of, that's a believable one. But he does the weirdest shit to camera where it's just like not even thinking of yourself, giving these motivational advice, which is just a handsome young guy that sells a package.
You could make the reverse up into a yap clip by going... I get an extra 10 minutes of REM sleep every morning when I press snooze. And that puts me ahead of 90% of the population. Oh my God.
We should actually try and do that and see if we're just ahead of you by sleeping in. You're rocking up to work tired. What way we're rocking up to work rested.
Gee, if you don't wake up, if you hit snows, you know what the cost of that is? It's making the shittest TikTok ever like that.
You know, I don't get Harry is what, Jay's been really skimping on us lately, and I don't mean anything financial. I think he's the, like, what's the difference between Jay and our physiques, you reckon? Eight abs. Eight abs and these massive old titties. Gee, you're the only one who could believably be a Chris Griffinall, the chopping board boys. Well, I kind of did one of the chopping board ones where I eat soil. I know, we just need to do it regularly. I reckon like whatever they do, just do one instantly parody because you've rigs better than theirs.
There's always the fitness ones like, because it infiltrates my algorithms. And there's always like. Okay, if you want abs, do not do this exercise. And it's just like a normal exercise. It's confounded anything to do with like fitness knowledge.
Can we just do you, do not press snows and then you're doing chin ups and running and sweating and doing shuckers into the camera while you're doing a run club?
Oh, yeah.
And then you murder someone. All right, so look out for the Chris Griven parody. I will do it tomorrow morning. And then maybe we'll do some more with G as well. I don't really run it by him. But I'm going to require you to take all your clothes off.
Bro, let's go out this weekend. There's a crazy event happening. What we need for that one is the costume. I know, I know.
You have to do that one. So look out for this week. Just before we go to, we just got an update on the day in the life, like day one of doing X. Okay? Because I've had a couple this week that were awesomely bad. The first one is just so simple. I found it really funny when it's like so shit that it actually works because it's so silly. This one is day one of kicking a rock till it's circular.
Day five of kicking a rock until it turns into a sphere. Today we started at 878. It's just kicking it on the ground in the street. I'm including most of the audio of kicking and special treat.
It goes for two minutes, so you don't have to get too much, but he just goes on a full detail of him walking around kicking.
I've come across these ones before and I'm so... I don't know how this one sucks me in.
I know.
Because it's literally micrograms of progress every single day. Like, it would take 20 years.
You know what the big one is, is like day 95, because it's so deep into it. Day 95 of... like hammering aluminium till it's metal again, like aluminium foil. And they're just like, and then at some point, you know, their tools can't do anymore, a hammer can't do it, but they just have, the last 60 days are just doing the same shit. Day five of putting the pair of anguish up my ass.
I want the pair of anguish right now. Oh, you can, um, I bought mine off Timo. Timo pair of anguish. Um, The, okay, this was one of the bad ones. Now, I've, I've a feeling, although this one stops abruptly, I've a feeling this one's going to get traction.
Day one of finding the best copy in Geelong, except there's only one day. And that is that seven origin.
So he just cuts himself up and just says there's one. Oh, okay. So, um, it's not day one. It's just, this is what I think is.
This is the best one. It was good, Harry. Can't, maybe, maybe can't. But that one came to abrupt down by. I got to check out seven origins. The final one, Tim sent in. Now, Tim said, I really liked listening to the, you mentioned the examples of daily Instagram challenges. There's one I've been tracking, and it's easily the saddest. There's a guy who was tattooing himself with KSI. Do you guys know KSI? Yeah, yeah, yeah, the YouTuber. I'm in the thicker that everybody knows.
KSI tattoos every day for over 300 days until he gets a phone call from KSI. He now has entire sleeves, multiple forehead tattoos of KSI and barely scrapes a few thousand views on each reel. His followers have plateaued at 5,000 and every day the comment section begs him to stop. His tag is at SOPAS S-O-P-A-S-U-Tatoo Artist. He's covering his face.
He's covering his entire body and he's just running out of room. And K-S-I hasn't even just messaging like, hey, brother, like, please stop. Hey, mate, he's texted him. And he's like, you didn't call.
Is he like, how do you explain that to grandkids? Oh, this is assuming this guy is going to procreate in any way. But like, how do you explain the tattoos to people in 30 years?
Well, this one was for KSI. And then this one was for KSI. And this one, they're like, sorry, Daddy. What's, oh, he's this. So this one, he was this guy, YouTube.
Dad, what's YouTube?
Everybody, never heard of it. Yeah, so that's, um, yeah, pretty a bit of a long one this week, guys. But that's where I've been doing.
Some strong nominations. Strong yappers.
Send them in, please, because I love saying, especially like random ones. Even if it's AFL related, I would love to start making some AFL yapping ones or sport yapping ones that we can start tricking people into thinking it's real.
Hmm, schemes. It's not breaking the law, but sometimes it toes the line. Scheme, skim, skim, skim, skim, skim, skim, skim, skim. Big week in schemes this week, guys. Went out and tested one myself. That's coming up shortly. But Gav also writes in and says, here's how to win a silent auction. Okay. He says, so there's a lot of AFL sportsmen slash players talk nights popping up.
Well, they always have some memorabilia and silent auctions.
One of the oldest, not grifting, but because it's a bit more, a bit more legitimate than that. But the oldest grifts in the game.
Famous for the... the worst graphic designers for those events possible. It's like white pub in comic fans with a cut-out face and Jeremy McGovern and Ben Cousins. A smaller photo.
graphic design is my passion. I love it. But well, it's probably the treasurer of the club being like, oh, fuck.
No, it's the youngest bartender. Gab says, depending on how this is run, there's a perfect way to get whatever you want at the starting price without some rich bastard outbidding you. Step one, get there early and bid on the opening bid with your real details. Step two, bid some bullshit high number with fake details that no one will ever be game enough to match. At the end of the night, when everyone is gone, check on the item you want.
And it's yours for the cheapest amount because they're going to call the fake number, realize it hasn't been claimed, and then go to the next offer, which is yours at the starting bid. Okay.
I think it's fraud. Aren't most of these for charity?
Yes. Don't do it at the charity ones, please.
Although I was saying the Ricky Nixon one were always for him to steal money. Gav continues, don't do this at charity nights. Thanks. Thanks for that. Or they were like a local community club. Yeah, that was the funny one. It was like that Sam Newman was part of that Ricky Nixon thing where, like two grand finals ago, where he'd recently been part of alleged fraud for charities, like not like frauding signatures or whatever. Oh, right.
Forging, sorry. Great. That's really good. That's really useful scheme advice.
Can you, sorry, can you just name like one person under, say, the age of 30 that doesn't necessarily have heaps of money that's ever been happy with something they've won at a silent auction?
Yeah, because you're kind of at the mercy of the dumbest person. And if you win, that's, that's you.
I don't think I've ever won something at a silent auction. Oh, Meg won a painting once at a thing. But like, as soon as she put the bit in, I was like, oh, no, it's so ugly.
My mate Rossi won a Sally Fitzgibbon signed Surfing Rashi.
That's actually pretty cool, but where would you put it? On you? I don't know. I put in a bid once. I put in a bid once. It was like the minimum was three. It was a vintage whacker, so West Australian Cricket Association, Sheffield team. And it was like really, really funny image. And it was signed by all the players that year. And it was for, I think it was a thousand dollars. And I was like, fuck that. I was, I wrote a hundred fifty bucks on the back.
And if you'd want it, you would have been like, damn it. They rang me for it. Four days later. But there was this weird charity in Perth. I won't name them because they're fucking weird. It was this weird South African dude. And he was like, just started gilting me. It was like, you know, the, the starting price was a thousand. I don't have a thousand dollars. And then he's like, so you really want to do this? And he's like, yeah, I can do it. Can I pick it up? And he's like, you sure? I'm like, I don't know what to tell you.
And then he started guilty me for what the charity was for, which was for an animal. He started saying you really want them to die.
He's like, all right, I'll just go tell the animals. Oh, man. Josh.
Yes.
Murderer. Murderer.
Murderer. I felt a bit like a murderer, but then he was just such a dick. I was like, this is clearly funding something you're doing.
I'll go tell the orangutans. They won't have bananas.
They weren't orangutans.
Oh, okay.
Rangetangs, I don't get around. I love them. And they have red hair.
Um, okay, so this next time I've been brewing for a while. It's, uh... It's related to grilled. So grilled, do a mad Bundy promo.
Okay, can we just clarify this isn't an ad for grilled, right? Not an ad for grilled.
Yeah.
Thank you, because you've said grilled nine times already.
You'll soon see why. Okay. Grilled do a mad Bunday promo where if you sign up to their website and put in your favorite footy team and they win, you get a free burger. Now, I'm a West Coast fan, but me no stupid boy, me put in good team. Collingwood? Nah, putting swans, I think it was like last year. So the catch is, if your team wins, you get a free burger, but you have to spend $20 and dine in. My question was...
Could I ask a random person who's going to grilled anyway if I could cash in on their dining purchase and just get myself a free burger without spending a cent? So I went to grilled and here was my first attempt. Hey mate, hey, are you going to grilled?
Yeah.
Man, I've just got this, um, I've got this free burger keep on.
I ordered mine before I got here. I'm so sorry.
That's... Oh, you're just picking it up? Yeah, no, I'm picking it up. Can you see if they'll scan it since you paid an order?
Um, I can find out.
Oh, mate, thanks so much. Don't take the coupon and just be like, oh, I've got a mad Monday coupon. Oh, I'm cringing thinking about it.
Oh, you have to dine in.
Yeah. Oh, what a nice guy. Nice guy. I failed attempt one because I didn't realize at the time you had to dine in. Slowed sneaky snitch is great. It's really nice. He works both.
I noticed that.
That was when I met Gartick. Okay. Hey, you guys dining in? Yes. I've got this coupon for a free burger. You just need to spend $20. Is I want to be just able to claim it for me and get burger?
Okay. That'd be alright. You have to wait.
Yeah, that's all right.
What burger do you?
Uh... Any, any burger, mate. You pick. Thanks so much. It works, hey. The free burger, it works. Can I get a selfie with you guys? You get a... You guys can keep the burger. That's all.
You can take it. No, no, you... That's fine. You can take it. You can... Oh my God, you're so kind.
Well done, so he's got the burger. It worked and they were so kind of tried to give them the burger and they were like, no, no, no, you can sit with us and have the burger with us.
Gee, did you edit yourself in saying you can keep the burger on?
No, no.
It's not hard to do that with technology those days.
I genuinely, I wanted to give him the burger and they were like, nah, no, don't want to like sit with us and have it. And I was like, oh my God, you guys are nice to people ever. And the burgers took a while and, well, me and Gartick and his friends, I ended up making friends for life. What, your first friends in Melbourne? Yeah. Supergirl. You guys, my own photo's way here. Yeah. Have you guys been here before? You've been to grilled? Yeah.
Oh, nice. Good burgers. You like chicken? Eat chicken. There's Hugo's, uh, Hugo's deli is really good chicken sandwich as well. Hugo's, you could try that sometime. Hector's? I'm from Perth, so.
No, I don't play.
I played soccer. Yeah. You guys follow? Oh, cricket. Which team?
India.
India. Indian team? Nice. We went to the game in Perth. Yeah, India versus Australia, the test in Perth. That's such a good thing. Oh, good for us. Not good for you.
Wow. Wow. Did you study small talking like at a pre-primary level? Yeah, me and Nathan Fielder. That was honestly, well done in The Burger. It didn't really feel like a scheme this week and more just like a favour. A test of how okay with being uncomfortable you are. Like rejection theory like that do from Perth. Oh, dude. Turns out I succeeded at both. Yeah.
Well, he was, he seemed really interested. Um, uh, not much follow up questions from him to you. No, you just couldn't hear them. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, they were really inquisitive. I think so I assume they're coming to paddle tomorrow.
Oh, yeah, no, they can't make it, actually. They won't return my calls.
Weird. A couple other updates, well done on the SchemeG. That was good and great to follow up. It was good to film. I had an ice cream when I was filming it. There's a Messina across the road, so I needed to, like, sit somewhere.
Josh, you know I've been like letting heaps of stuff off my computer last night and phone to try and clear space up for these recordings. And I went through like the USA Philadelphia trip. Half my photos are just you eating in ice cream.
I like ice cream. I like trying ice cream. Get over it. A couple people messaged in. I've seen multiple clips now of people complaining about their tickets have been changed. There were these five young girls that were like, they paid $5 for their junior tickets and all had to pay 150 total because they had to pay the upgraded version. And they were pretty frustrated. And then there was another... Just another reel as well. And then someone also promoting the go to the game and you wear black.
If you wear black to an NFL game and just say, oh, staff discount, they won't even check because they can't be bothered because there's thousands of staff members, obviously.
Yeah, you need to go to like the non-branded kiosks or like. Are there only certain ones they get the food from? Restaurants at the game. Oh, as in not like mad makes or something. Yeah, exactly. And you just say, oh, yeah, I work here. Can I just get the staff discount? And most of the time, they will just do it. Have you tried it?
Not yet. Oh, okay, okay. One to try, maybe. Before we get kids. Although they might see you. I can't wait for the time when they go, hang on a sec. This is a bloody scheme. Where's the camera? Where is it? Hey, one more. I'm locked here. Yeah, great, great.
Locked in. Whoa. Grind set. Yeah, I know. I never, never said. This is what I do. I could only do this with the extra 10 minutes of sleep. Yeah, thank Christ. Lockie writes in, when me and my friends move from one part of beer Disneyland to another part of beer Disneyland, we all needed to get a new pub to frequent one night a week. We chose one and all downloaded the pubs loyalty app to see what kind of deals we could get.
And within 20 minutes, we'd figured out a bug within the app that would allow us to get unlimited free pints. When you sign up to the app, they give you a coupon for one free pint or glass of wine. And we realize if you just wait 20 seconds, you could press the button again and receive another coupon for a free pint. We all looked at each other and realized... We were onto something big and we all swore to secrecy.
The rules were, one, tell no one. Two, only one free pint per visit. What? Three, you have to wear different clothes each pub night. This worked for possibly four months, maybe even longer and we all got countless numbers of pints. Now, this next bit I'm actually unqualified to talk about, and I'd like to pass this over to Harry's Big House. What?
Yes, this is a Harry's Scheme House.
Tony, hit the Sting. Oh. Mr President, can this wait? I've got bigger fish to fry.
God bless my friend Harry. Harry's. Skins, Sto, Skins, Skim, Skim.
House in the middle of our streets.
Wow. Talk about a crossover app. Yeah, the collab you never knew you needed. I was about to say, Jay, you are carrying this pod. This is a great by you. And then you've even thrown in a crossover app.
Yeah, yeah. Welcome to the first Harry and Georgio scheme house in the history of the Kick It Forward podcast. Jay, thanks so much for handling the rating out of that scheme from Lockhe. It is amazing. And I just want to first have a couple of comments about this scheme. Yeah. You're gonna, you could sink a ship if that information gets out. The venue could go down, right?
I can't wait to, if you could clip that. That's hilarious that. Imagine them all looking at each other being like, We've actually found a pot of gold. And if we tell anyone, we're going to, and it's like these gentlemen's agreement. That's like, I think I found $100 when I was in year four. But imagine if every time you went back to where you found $100, there was another $100.
$100.
And you're like, guys, no one telling you about this bucket. It's like the magic pudding. Go on, Harry. Sorry, they caught a law. Order.
Yeah, actually, gee, if you could just pass me the case papers over here, please.
Yeah, please, I haven't looked at them. I know I understand my qualifications in this. And yep, there you go.
Thanks for, there's a few more here. Sorry, I dropped a few. Sorry, I dropped a few. Oh no, that's okay. That's okay. Okay, Lockhe continues. At an after party one night, our friend Tom was trying to get friendly with a girl sitting on the couch. We overheard his conversation and he was bragging that he and his friends had discovered a bug in an app to allow them to get free pints at this pub.
We all got fake angry at him, but we thought this would not be consequential. Yeah? What could possibly happen? Now the next night, sorry, now the next pub night I arrived earlier as I always do, presented my coupon and was barred with the girl saying, oh, we don't honour those anymore because people have been misusing them.
Tom, there were only a few rules you needed to fucking follow, mate.
Yeah, well, it's interesting timing for Tom, says Locky. Locky then proceeded to say, oh no, that's so crazy. Why would people be misusing? Oh, why would someone do that? To a pub? And then he said, do you think just because this is my first one, I could get it?
I know there was a guy that looked a lot like me with a different change of clothes yesterday that claimed one, but I swear it's not me.
The bartender said no. I think she completely knew that I was one of the schemers. Harry, do you think Tom needs to answer for his crimes for releasing the information?
Wow. Oh, God, a lot of papers to go through.
I'm going to be, oh, I'm going to be shuffling papers in my sleep guy because this is just bullshit, first of all, isn't it?
Yeah, it's, okay, so this guy, I mean, a bit of Dutch courage has then gone to his head, he's met a girl, and as he, is it blown up in his face? Do we know that was the direct link for a wide ended?
Well, so far in the case, all signs point to yes.
Right.
So the free beers are done. I'm, I'm livid about that. I'm sad for everyone involved. Excuse me, beep that. Tony, beat that. Sorry. Now, I was always taught that there's no such thing as a free lunch, right? But in this case right here, I'm learning that there is such thing as a free beer until someone like Tom throws it all down the drain. Oh. You know, I am, guys, you know I attempted to contact Tom to question him about the case.
He declined to comment. What?
Is this the first time other than just like, people being like, can you fuck off? I don't know who you are. In this case, he knows who you are and he's saying, I don't want to go to jail.
Oh, Tom. Does it scream guilt or what?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, completely. Like, I can't think of anything more evil.
Yeah, so what I had to do to get more information was to call Locky, who submitted the case and asked him a few vital questions.
Judge Judy.
Locky, mate, first of all, sorry about the no more free beers.
Yeah, I can't have free beers forever.
Yeah, well, we almost did. Hey, just a quick question. Does Tom, does Tom hate you guys or?
I would say hates a strong word, indifference.
Yeah, well, I don't know. Behaviour suggests that. So after he revealed this amazing scheme, did anything eventuate between the two of them? Are they married now or I hope they're married?
I think nothing happened from the night. It's hazy from memory, but I'm pretty sure nothing happened. And we all thought it was so, we all thought it was a joke. It's like, oh.
what the hell you told her but nothing would come of it and then lo and behold no more free beers i would at least hope they would have got married or had had um five children to make it worth it just another one about tom does he like does he like i just need to actually just stray out ass does he like beers um i'm gonna say no because he's just blown it he's blown it what about does he like planes
I'm a bit of a plane man myself, obviously not as much of you, but I would say hates planes.
I'll rest my case. Wow. Yeah, they didn't even get married guys.
Well, I was going to say unlimited beers, like finding a leprechaun and butchering him enough with the, what was the thing? The pair of anguish. The pair of anguish, yeah. To show you the pot of gold. There is no amount of love.
Wow, yeah. It's an interesting take, Josh. But the thing about Harry's Big House is we don't just consider what someone did. We consider why someone did what they did. And I'm sure Tom didn't want this free beer scheme to end. But he chose to break the rules by sharing it with that girl because my theory is, actually this is based on science, he couldn't have had any other Riz methods.
No more Riz methods, okay?
Yeah, right, of course. Yeah, as someone who has no Rizmeth, it's like, yeah. And he thought, you know what, I don't give a shit about my friends. What can I talk about? What can I talk about? What can I talk about? Um, can't talk about weather. I can't talk about small talk, small talk. We get free beers from this code.
Yeah. Well, anyway, I had to get Locky back up to go through a few alternate possibilities. What else do you think he could have done? Like, you know, if you had to share some RIS strategies?
Well, first of all, I wouldn't have broken the rule of, we all agree, do not tell a single soul. And so I just wouldn't have done that. I would have just gone back to my bag of quick wit and good looks, a bit of farm boy charm. Just farm boy charge, just laying it on hot and heavy.
Yeah, any jokes?
No jokes, Ray.
Do you know any jokes, though?
I don't know any jokes. Have you got one for them?
They could have, nah, not now, but they could have talked about, like, movies or TV shows.
That one about, I think it's like it's either, oh yeah, that's right, airplane.
That could have talked about planes. Like, what if we just roll play for a second? Maybe you being Tom and I'll be that girl and I want you to talk to me about planes for 20 seconds.
It's a bit sexual. So, you know that airport, the plane viewing area out at Tower Marine?
Oh, no, I don't actually.
Oh, there's a great spot. You can park up, have your lunch, just watch the planes come in. You can get on this app and you can just, like, name each one coming in. It's awesome.
Oh, the app, yeah? That sounds a bit dorky, but very cute.
Shut the fuck. Yeah, well, it's good to have a passion.
What else do you know about planes?
I thought that was important. Yeah. Yeah.
Well, that's like training, right? Glad you put it in.
I thought it was really, yeah, thanks, Georgie. I thought it was really important. While playing helps us to understand that Tom could have talked about anything other than the free beers game.
I assume he fell in love. That's why he ended the call.
Yeah, with Locky's farm charm and good look, seriously. Now, it's not good enough anyway. Guilty is charged, of course. He's broken one of the main rules. Yeah, I'd say it really was the main rule. Rule one, tell no one. Although I like Rule 3 where they had to wear different clothes to not get noticed.
Hmm, that guy looks a lot like the guy yesterday, but today he has a hoodie on. It must be someone else.
So let me clarify, though, they would just have two pints and then leave because that doesn't sound like what would happen. They would have truly six.
No, no, no. They'd have a couple and then not abuse it so that the venue doesn't get suss.
Yeah, yeah, fair enough. So they would still donate back to the venue. If anything, it would be like a good promotion to encourage spending.
It probably equate to like 20% off your whole night there if you're having, you know, five pints. Oh, probably like 1% for me. Oh, yes, yeah, 100 pints. Yes, correct. I'd have a feeling they'd, um, they'd notice you coming in like a few days. Oh, six or seven guy with red hair. There's heaps around there. There's heaps rangers. You also only own two t-shirts.
I own heaps of T-shirts. I love New York one. Sorry, Harry, let me self-order.
Yeah, Josh, I own like two T-shirts. What a loser.
The amount of times we've gone to film a sketch, and I'm like, oh, fuck, Harry, we've got to do some reshoot for the other sketch. Do you have the, and you're wearing the exact same shirt you've had on for nine weeks? It hasn't changed. You know, I'll have a look for it. Anyway, go on.
Yeah, order. Sorry. Managed to find it, yeah, order. Now, yeah, of course, rule one was telling no one. He, Tom did tell this girl in the scheme just so happened to get shut down. Coincidence, you might think. Wrong because the timing is just too suspicious in this court. Order, gavel, thank you. The punishment today is short and sharp. Tom deprived the beer Disneyland crew a free beer per week or two free beers per week for the rest of their lives.
So now Tom owes the beer Disneyland crew a free beer per week for the rest of their lives. Unless Tom can manufacture up some other scheme where they get free beers, I don't know. A few conditions though. Beers can only be claimed when the beer Disneyland crew is catching up at the pub. That's fair. Yeah. Also, Tom, I just want you to be careful out there, mate, because reasoning can come at a cost. And in this case, it's cost you a lot of money. Now...
Probably about five beers per week for the beer Disneyland crew for the next 60 years, adjusted for inflation over time. You could be somewhere out of pocket around $900,000 in old beers. So yeah, next time you're risen, keep your mouth shut about the free beer scheme. And I just want to finish by saying on a bit of a sad note, but it's something that I hope Tom can take away from this.
There's a thing about the free beers, though. It wasn't actually about the free beers this whole time. Oh, that's such a good point. Yeah. Yeah. It was about the bond shared between a group of beard Disneyland friends. The bond that Tom drank for free and then pissed down the sink. Case closed.
That's like so true because beers are free, but friendship comes at a cost. Thanks, bro. Or sometimes it's also free.
Cheers, bros. Georgie, I pleasure to team up with you this way.
Hey, uh. Well, is this the first of many co-labs or what? Yeah, potentially. Someone, someone ruins a scheme. Can you guys co-lab with me? Uh, yeah, we'll, um. What would you co-lough with me on? Oh, divorce. Oh, God. Reilly.
Dear muscles. Hello, good. Good day, superstars. Hold for God.
You've got me. Welcome to Mail it in. Send us your correspondence at hello at kick it forward club.com. DMs do not like them. They get lost. Just email them in. They will be called out. They will be read out rather. We've got some great emails today. Harry, do you want to take this one away? It's from none other than Michael Jordan himself, MJ playing basketball, one of the greatest ever do it.
Oh, sick.
The fifth best, according to the shifty salmon. Now, good evening, Greg Heads. Harry was talking about learning to start a Boeing 737 from Cold Dark, thus assuming he is referring to the downloadable PMDG-7-NG series and not the 737 Max.
Pause. What is cold dark?
Cold Dark is like the plane is completely off. The battery is aren't even on. The APU's not running.
Do you need a warm-up a plane?
Well, you need to usually plug it into power from the airport. And then you can start, like, your APU, which is kind of like your own internal generator in the plane, which you can then use to start the engines. All right, unpause. Keep going on.
You need to charge it in the wall first.
I just don't carry anymore.
So, yeah, the... So he says not the 737 Max that comes with Microsoft Flight Simulator 2024 as the PMDG is a study level aircraft, meaning you actually have to be a virgin and know what you're doing to operate the aircraft instead of having the SIM guide you through like a fucking loser. Now, there's a lot, there's a lot more to this email and I actually am so confused by what he's talking about. What I will say is that I didn't have the SIM guide me through this startup.
I was on a YouTube video, like an hour long YouTube video. So I was pressing every single. um, buttons. But yeah, he continues and says, um, as a fellow owner of the PMDG, again with this PMDG 737, I was pretty certain when I clicked the plane, it said 737 max and Microsoft flight simulator 2024.
I'd be open for a call, um, to get some clarity on a few of these things, but is a, I don't even know if it's worth reading out the rest of this email because it probably sounds like, um, Actually, no, you know what? It probably sounds like when I talk about planes, which actually sucks.
Oh, keep reading, mate. You've come this far.
No, can I read one more thing out of this, one more paragraph? Yeah, I think we're... Do we get a choice? As a fellow owner of a PMDG, again, which I don't think I have, he says, I can have the aircraft from Cold Dark to push back with engines running an APU off in seven minutes. Please try not to come. Now, that is actually an impressive amount of time. And why don't we read the PSS?
Okay, cool.
He says, I've had Rowie pour cocktails for me at a 21st as the dad of the birthday girl worked with him at five. Wow. Wish he was reading Italian brain rot while doing so or calling me a Greghead. Michael Jordan, I can't believe you've got time to email in when you've got such a successful business to run and golf to play, but thanks so much.
Yeah, thanks, MJ. And thanks for the Rowie knowledge. I really enjoy that. And all the boring stuff about planes. I really liked that. Yeah, more torture.
WK says, I'm not a Reddit in cell, but came across this post on my Reddit feed. He sent a link. In summary, the real estate agent sends a message to someone registered with their company asking if they'd like to attend an auction. They reply, yes, followed by the real estate agent telling them, you don't have the budget, move on. Also telling them they can't attend the auction.
even after they were invited through a spam message, which breaches basic consumer protection laws.
So the message is on Reddit and they've said they'll just get a blank text which looks like it's automated. Auction only. Are you interested in auction? Yes or no. The person replies, yes. Is this within your budget? You said 1.3 million and says it's not and basically says move on. He legitimately texts the move on at some point.
What if they imagine, what if they just got a million dollars the next day somehow?
Like, the guy would be like, oh, what? What a piece of shit.
So the comment sections filled with people sharing similar stories, you know, real estate agents treating people like crap. It would be exceptionally funny to start an SMS thread with this real estate agent from each of our phones. Georgio sets a budget of 500K, Harry. has a budget of 1.2 mil and Josh has a budget of 3 to 4 mil after selling millions from fidget spinners 10 years ago.
See how this real estate agent reacts with you based on budget. Deliberately ask about homes outside of the budget. Don't antagonize, but instead let this guy flourish by turning genuine interest into subtle abuse. So that's his kind of... recommendation for pranking this guy. He'd be interested to know how he reacts.
I think the guy he's referring to was, beep this, Harry, it's um, And I was about to get his number to prank call. But he's under investigation for alleged under quoting. So that's where they drop the, put the price up really low, so it gets a huge amount of interest. And then immediately they only accept high prices. Then the second Daily Mail article from a day ago, shock family twists emerges about high pro for real estate agent under investigation as his sister is accused of a very dark crime.
Oh my God.
Anyway, so look out for that one. Jackson writes in, hello, Tom's brother, plane geek and g-sus. Ooh, don't mind that. In the lead-up to the election, my Instagram feed has been clogged with brain rot from all parties. And we spoke about a bit of them on Monday or Tuesday's pod. But Italian brain rot, AI voiceover bullshit, shit attempts at meme culture have been frequented and much more. There was a guy on the Gruen transferer, like political campaign expert.
He argued that anyone that early in a campaign and generally gets delegated that stuff is generally really young. And often they're d-bags and anything they say will be greenlit because they're going to have more knowledge than anyone else. So he argued that a lot of the shit so far hasn't been effective other than maybe like, I guess podcast stuff potentially and things like that. But this is one of the ones as an example. It's, I found it pretty good. It's Dr. House.
um voicing something for the labor party like it's so shit it's good while the person jumps around Minecraft world as the the brain rot screen rot thing what will dutton cut to afford his nuclear scheme
Scheme. Scheme? I heard that. He's confirmed. Free tape in over 40,000 jobs. He's tried to cut Medicare and W.A's G. Oh, my God.
Goodbye all election shit. Gee, do you get, do your, like, ears prick up when you hear someone go, oh, what a scheme? And you're like, oh, are you talking to me? I do, actually.
I do hear Schame. And I still get emails of people being like, I heard ski music on phone. I'm like, yes, the famous Cisco hold music, the most famous.
Oh, okay. Don't get on your fucking high horse. You stole it. I am on an eye horse. Oh, yeah, okay. It's like... Clip-clop. When we can't get around our fans... I'm riding in the sunset. Oh, our listeners, rather.
Gee, great work imitating the listeners. Real nice.
Yeah, I'm so grateful of them. You're like, oh my God, so annoying. No, I'm sorry. No, you're right, actually.
Just weird side note. Yeah. How much money does Royal Kingdom have to pay, like, the biggest celebrities in the world to advertise their shit game?
Mate, I thought that Jimmy Kimmel, I was like, when Jimmy Kill and LeBron were doing it, I'm like, oh, are they AII? Courtney Cox? How many people, like, how many people play that game? I must admit, I watch the clips because I'm like, oh, I hope these men kill the people. Yeah.
I reckon they just, they're like, oh, sorry, not interested. And they're like, here's a piece of paper. Write the biggest number you can think of. And like, write as many knives as you can in one minute. LeBron, they don't need money. I know, it's so weird. They actually don't.
Yeah, here we go. So, LeBron, Kevin Hart, Fallon, Shakira, Amy Polar, Sophia Vergara, Courtney Cox, Lisa Kudrow, Kali Kouko, whatever, Coke. How do you say that? I don't know. What's the game?
What's the game again? Royal Kingdom. And so they're all advertising it. How many people play this game?
Gee, you're absolutely spot on. It's like, it's got to be just, okay, just give us half a day. Here's a billion dollars.
Yeah. It's just basically candy crush, right? Because the one I'm always locked in on and I get served a lot is there'll be men with guns and they're on a bridge and they get to level up. I think it's like Age of Empires for Babies. No, I think it actually is just literally Candy Crush. Age of Babies? But it's set in Age of Empires world, but then wherever you land, it's just you play a game, which is just effectively a puzzle like Candy Crush. So, yeah, like Age of Empires for Babies.
Well, Age Vampires is Bird's Eye View and you actually fight people, bro. Yeah.
Oh yeah, so like Age of Empires, but for babies. Yeah, it's like wedding crashes.
It's actually the closest similarity would be wedding crashes. Yeah. Hello at KikaFort Club.com, send us your emails. They will get on next week. We have the bonus episode this week. Thanks for the abuse. I've actually got around to it. Lots of love, Harry. Hopefully have you in person next week.
Yeah, you will, guys. You will.
You will.

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